Devil Wears Jockstrap
by purpleprozac
Summary: Lucifer pays a visit to Sam Winchester, hilarity ensues.


Dean made a loud snore, turned on his right side, hogging most of the sheet, and went back to sleep with a quiet wheeze. The older brother kept pulling blankets over his head, like a kid hiding from the bogeyman, and either deemed that sufficient cover or was offering his buns as a treat, like milk left for fairies in the garden. Sam was, as usual, left with the remaining sheet wrapped around his torso, most of his body exposed and his early morning erection pointing firmly at Dean's bare butt.

It was, however, not his brother's snore that woke Sam up before dawn.

There was suddenly the third body on the mattress behind him, familiar heat and scent hitting Sam from the darkness. He quickly turned around, trying to cover his boner, and found himself face to face with an older blond man wearing nothing but a jock.

"Good morning, Sammy."

"Morning, Lucifer," sighed Sam.

"Well, you could at least pretend to be pleasantly surprised," pouted Lucifer.

"You were after me, you were in my head, in the cage, out of the cage, in my body, in another body, back in the cage maybe, back in your old body I think?" stage-whispered Sam, trying not to wake up his brother. "I'm seriously done following this, I'm hopelessly lost and nothing surprises me anymore. Like hey, your naked butt is in my bed, what else is new."

"I thought you liked my butt."

"I did. I mean, I guess I do, but also I guess we broke up maybe? Like, somewhere between bodies, being in my head and out of the cage we agreed it's not working out? Again, I may be a little hazy on the details, but I'm pretty sure we decided to part ways?"

"You decided. I just agreed. I mean, I can't force you into this, remember?"

Sam shook his head.

"So, you're what, here to say you're not over me? The fuck is this Grammy Award-winning singer-songwriter Adele bullshit? Also, a jockstrap, really?"

"What, is this so hard to wrap your little mortal head around? Of course I'm not over you. I never will be," Lucifer turned his back to Sam and sat on the edge of the bed. "Duh."

"Yeah, no, cut the guilt-tripping. You were literally only after my body first. Then I was messed up enough to let the Devil stick around. Not gonna lie, that was intense, and mostly in a fun way-"

"Yeah, no, the man who only found peace in Satan's arms, the man content to spend eternity with the caged Serpent, the man whose beauty, and I don't mean your fucking pretty face even though it's sweeter than all the fruits of Eden, whose beauty stopped the Devil from ending the world, this man ain't gonna lie, sure, it really all was mostly fun. Jerk."

"Lucifer, I didn't-"

"Oh, and about that body thing? Sure, at first it was like that, like hey, there's a perfect suit waiting for me, it's tailor-made and will finally make my ass look great, who wouldn't have been excited? But then, don't you know it, I met a guy who was wearing it. And he looked gorgeous in that suit! Like, ass and all. And smart, and funny, and a bit of a mess, in a word, perfect. So what, was I supposed to take that guy out of his suit, leave him in a ditch, and at last have the pants that fit? Screw that noise, I wanted the guy, too. Yes, he's dapper as fuck, but I have my Walmart jeans and a stinky t-shirt, not too shabby either, thank you very much. Maybe if I buy him a drink or two, take him to the movies, steal a nice car, I can have not his voice in my new head, but his dick in my old ass? And I must have done something right, hey, beginner's luck, and this guy is all over me, and I can't get enough, and he just melts, and we're both this super gross puddle of holy fuck why haven't I done this before, and we're in hell, and we're kinda making it work for us, because it's pitch dark and we're both deaf from the sound of my cherry popping, but we only need touch and smell and taste and everything's delicious and absolutely bad for you. And now we're in this dingy motel, and I'm rambling like mad and the sun is not even up, because my nickname was right all along apparently. Hi, I'm Morning Star and I'm fucking crazy for Sam Winchester."

Lucifer sighed, not looking back at Sam.

Sam propped himself on an elbow.

"Wait, are you saying I was your first? So, um, you have, among other things, committed mass deicide while being a virgin?"

"Wouldn't have worked any other way," Lucifer turned his head, grinning. "Hey, I'm spilling my guts out here, and you're trying not to laugh, you asshole."

"It's really hard."

"Oh, that I see, too. You're quite a morning person."

Sam hastily pulled the sheet down, feeling his face turn red. Any trace of bitterness was gone from Lucifer's smile in a matter of seconds, and in a matter of a few more he was back in bed next to Sam. The face in front of Sam was barely visible in the twilit motel room, but he could not stop looking into the Devil's eyes, desperate not to get lost in them again, anxious, and longing, and sparkling at the sight of his Sammy. And then of course he was drowning, or maybe just falling asleep for a moment, when a familiar touch brought him back, a warm hand stroking his face.

"I'm sorry, Sammy. I come uninvited and make a scene. Also, yeah, a naked ass seems highly inappropriate in retrospect. But you know how it is, when you wake up at four in the morning, and can't sleep, and think back to everything ever, and blame yourself, and suddenly crashing at your ex's place seems like a plan. Yeah. I'm sorry."

Sam pulled Lucifer closer.

"It's okay. It's really weird. But it's okay. This may be the Stockholm Syndrome talking, but I'm kinda happy to see you, Lucifer. Just maybe don't make a habit of suddenly appearing naked behind me. Text me first, or something."

"Deal."

They lay still, just looking into each other's eyes, a faint smile on Lucifer's lips, not saying a word. Sam's hand moved an inch over Lucifer's thigh, then awkwardly froze in place again.

"No," whispered Lucifer.

"What?"

"You know what."

"I did not say anything."

"You don't need to, Sammy. You're an open book. Not like Proust or Tolstoi, more of an airport read, but-"

"Wait, really? None?"

"Nope. Not a single guy. Or girl. Nobody, really."

"Aren't you taking this made for each other thing a little too seriously?"

"Maybe I just don't like dating and don't have Tinder."

"Uh-huh."

"It doesn't mean I'm desperately craving your attention or obsessed or considering the career in stalking or jerking off to that mugshot from when you were wanted by the feds- And if you laugh, you'll wake up Dean, and this is gonna be very weird," Lucifer was gleefully smiling at Sam trying to keep a straight face. "I mean, I, being the literal Devil, am very proud of this torrid incestuous thing you guys have going, but I'm afraid your idiot brother may not be as open minded when he sees Satan in his bed."

"I'd like to test that theory," Sam grabbed Lucifer and got on top of him in one move, throwing Satan's legs on his shoulders.

"Did you just quote Buffy at me, you fucking dork?"

"Shut up."

"Clever. Oh!" Lucifer winced as Sam pushed two spit-covered fingers inside him and started to work his hole in quick, steady moves. "Sammy, fuck foreplay, just fuck me back to heaven, I don't care if it hurts like hell, damn, I sound corny-"

Sam's hand firmly covered Lucifer's mouth as he slammed his cock inside Satan, unable to wait anymore himself, seduced by the Devil again, rushing into the burning heat, feeling muscles tighten and then slowly relax around him, pain turning into bliss on the face of his angel. He took his hand off, and Lucifer gasped for air, breath hitching, quiet moans escaping his wet lips. Next second Sam's tongue was spelling obscenities inside Lucifer's hungry mouth, biting his lips and then kissing them, sloppy, wet, wanting, messy. Sam broke the kiss, leaving Lucifer begging silently for more, but holding the Devil firmly underneath him just out of reach, watching the face of the king of hell twisting helplessly into the grimace of the approaching orgasm.

"Sam!" cried Lucifer, spilling thick streams of semen onto his belly. With low guttural grunt Sam pushed deeper into Satan's hole and shot his load, feeling it spill out on their thighs and bed. Both collapsed on the bed, breathing heavily, leaving Lucifer a sticky wreck between two brothers.

Lucifer felt like he might have gone unconscious for a moment and looked around to make sure he's still in the motel. On his right he saw Dean, wide awake and frowning at him.

"What is the author of all sin doing in our bed?"

"Selling cupcakes for church."

"I was not talking to the Devil."

Sam raised his head watching the two bicker, clearly amused.

"Dean, right now there's one thing that I know and you don't," said Lucifer.

"Wha-," Dean gave Sam a quick worried look. "The hell are you talking about?"

"Cover your body all you want, there's a huge drop of cum in your hair."

Sam snorted with laughter. Dean rushed to wipe his hair and let go of the bed sheet, revealing a few glistening stains on his chest.

"Dean?" said Sam as his brother tried to untangle the sheet and get out of bed, embarrassed. "Dean! Come on, don't be like that. I know I brought home a stray lord of darkness without asking. My bad. But looks like you enjoyed this, too? We're hot, aren't we? I mean, I'm hot. But he's got a forked tongue, you have to see that in action!"

"Dean, let me assure you," added Lucifer. "I'm actually hot, too."

Dean looked at both men.

"Ugh. Fine. But you don't sleep between me and Sammy. And I get to watch if I want to. And I want to. Understood?"

"Understood, Dean. Here, have your Sammy," Lucifer grabbed Sam and rolled over him, changing places. "Better?"

"Much better," smiled Dean, wrapping his arms and legs around his brother, and stuck his tongue out. Lucifer grinned back and stuck his forked tongue at Dean. Dean gave him the finger.

"Stop it, you morons!" yelled Sam. "Like I don't know what you're doing behind my back. Get the fuck to sleep."

Lucifer gave Dean two fingers.

"Luci!"

"Okay, okay, I'm done. One last question, though. Why the fuck is this bed heart-shaped?"


End file.
